Good became Bad?

It seems like the idea of being a good guy is not longer something that is wanted. It seems like the new thing that is desirable for girls is a jerk. A guy who treats them like something that is second rate.

Ever since I can remember, I've always prided myself on being a good guy. It was the way I was raised. I saw nothing wrong with being a good guy, especially when it came to girls. That was until this summer came along.

This summer I found out that I was not just a good guy, but I was a too good of a guy. Now when I was told that, I took that as an insult. The person that told me that was someone who I cared for deeply and thought - at one point or another - had deep feelings for me. After she told me that and we stopped talking for a little while, I started to think what was too good?

All these thoughts came rushing into my head. Was I too good back in college when the girl I was fooling around with, who at the time had a boyfriend back home, was laying in my bed between classes because she wanted a nap and I didn't get into bed with her. Maybe. But I was getting tired of being the other guy, something that I have been for my past relationships. So I decided to not do anything at that moment. But that doesn't mean nothing else happened later.

Am I too good because I put the girl first? I've always been that way. Whenever I have a girlfriend or someone that I am extremely close with, I try to put them first, help them with what ever they need help with. But I'm also the same way with my close friends, if they needed me, I'd be there. That is just the type of guy I am.

I just understand girls lately. What I don't get, the one who told me that I was too good for her, she rather be with a kid who dumped her via text message in high school, then spread rumours about her and was an asshole to her, she rather be with. She says they broke up for a second time, but yet he doesn't get the hint, or maybe she is just lying.

I tried the whole jerk thing one summer. I fooled around with a girl from high school who wouldn't give me a chance when we were in school, but out of the blue this girl wanted to hang out. So for most of the summer, we fooled around and had a good time. But she was seeing it as something more and I didn't. So I kept going to a little longer, but then it started to eat away at me, that I was becoming a jerk, something I did not like. So I ended it and went back to my good guy self.

Then this whole summer, I thought things were changing, then she says I suffocate her by asking questions, but when she rather be with her so called ex and not me, it makes me wonder. As summer ends, its becoming clear that this girl and her so called ex have a fucked up relationship. If during the summer they gotta be with other people then get back together when the summer ends, it is pretty fucked up.

I always hear girls say where is chivalry, what ever happen to it. I can tell you right now, that chivalry is still alive, in good guys like me, but girls don't want chivalry any more. Girls rather have a guy who is a jerk and treats them like crap than a guy who is good and good to them.

Under the Stars

Every night I go to sleep under the stars....
I look up to the glowing lights from the stars that hang in the empty black space floating above me, trying to look beyond those stars to see what else is out there. But that is not the case. Instead, I see you. 
I fall asleep under the stars, thinking of you.


Every night you walk into my mind, running circles in my thoughts. When I finally fall asleep, whatever dreams that I may have, I don't remember when I finally wake up. Instead of waking up and reminiscing about the dreams I had or thinking about the things I have to do, I think about you. I wonder if you texted me...if you called me. But when I roll out of bed and check my phone, I realize that was just a dream within itself. For the rest of the day, you walk right into my thoughts as if you owned them. I could be doing any meaningless task, not evening thinking about you and you join me in my mind and never left.


Under the full moon, I look up and all I see is you. I wonder if you are looking at what I see, the beauty of this moon. The crisp, cool night air brushed against my face while I look at the moon, thinking about how the beauty of this glowing, full moon doesn't even compare to you. 


The more I think about you, the more I realize that you are becoming more of a dream than a reality. I just have to stop looking up at the stars looking for what is beyond the stars and just see them for what they are, see the reality that I am surrounded with.


Every night I go to sleep under the stars....